*____a pRinCesS's sToRy___

Monday, May 14, 2007

i'm hating my life right now

i just read his blog and i really dunno what to feel right now. half of me wanna cry. half of me wanna feel like everything's okay cos i really have no right to feel anything. ever since 1st of april, i've kept every feeling inside of me. i really dunno who to talk to or who to cry to or who to get a comforting hug from. sam never seem interested when i'm telling her about my problems and she never gives me the answers that i'm looking for. she's most of the time out with mark and when she's home it'll be late and we'll just watch tv or sleep. i cant tell esther everything because i dun wanna cry in front of her. (esther, i know you're reading this...i just want you to know that i really appreciated the times you were there although i didnt tell u how i felt and i just put on a brave front. i thank you for praying for me everyday and giving me the assurance that something better is coming my way.)

work sucked today. i think God was trying to teach me a lesson for asking him to show me his will and yet because i got to comfortable in where i was, i neglected his word and turned to my own feelings. This new perm staff came and took over my job and my table today. i was then told that i had to move to the smelly stuffy meeting room filled with files and sit there all alone while the rest have each other's company in the finance department. in desperation, i went and told my boss that i wanted to become a perm staff, thinking that she would give me back whatever i had been doing all these while, but fat hope. i was still kicked out of my table and was made to teach her everything i've learnt the past 3 weeks.

she went to tell the finance manager about my decision and he brought me into the smelly meeting room and talked to me about converting to perm. he asked me what my plans were and made sure i considered carefully cos i think to him getting a degree should be the top on my list now.

but i have no movtivation to do anything now. after what i've been reading for the past hour and feeling my heart literally pierced everytime it turned hot and cold, hot and cold at every line i read....i really wonder if my past was a reality or a bad happy two and a half years dream that fogs my mind every second, even in my dreams.

spread my wings at[8:42 PM]

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