*____a pRinCesS's sToRy___

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

pierced

i couldnt stop thinking about what i found out from his blog yesterday. everytime i thought about it, i would feel my heart pierced. i guess he didnt tell me about his blog was cos he didnt want me to know all of those things about him and that girl. he thinks i'm upset about the breakup, which i'm not really that upset about, it's him lying to me that he didnt like her when i asked before. and it hurts me so bad that i was so easily forgotten, that he was able to push me out of his heart so fast and make room for some other girl.

i kept asking myself if i really such a bad girlfriend, that during this 2 and a half years together was actually 2 and a half years of hell for him. was my silence in invisibility his peace and solitude? was every moment spent around me irritating to him? was i such a bore to be with that just right after we broke up, he immediately found happiness and his heart yearning for another girl which he has never met before. i read the words he said to her like "i look forward to your smses"...when i thought about it, he has never said things like these to me. was i such an easy catch that i wasnt worth being wooed and being told mushy stuffs? in his blog he wrote about how sad he'll get if she doesnt reply his smses, but if it were me, i think he wouldnt even be bothered, or rather prefered if i didnt contact him at all. i guess i found little things to quarel with him all the time because i wanna know that he still cares for me. i just didnt know that it'll cause the opposite effect, and cause him to dislike me.

maybe from the very start he didnt like me, but more of settled with me cos there was no other girl who would have accepted him. up to the very end, he made himself think that what he feels towards me is love. almost all of his friends knows him better than i do cos he tells them everything, and i recently realised that he prefered to confide in his female friends than in me, he tells them everything and keeps secrets for them. but when he's with me he always doesnt have anything to say. we'll just listen to music on the train or bus, watch a show at his home, and the only time we exchange words would probably be meaningless talk forced out just to break the silence.

my first real relationship, and it makes you wanna jump off the building.

was i really such a bitch?

spread my wings at[6:53 PM]

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